Personal hygiene is a daily struggle with Don. His former self would be horrified at what he currently shrugs off as not important. Trust me, mister, it’s important. A man who has struggled with psoriasis most of his adult life cannot afford to ignore good skin care. My advice is ignored. His go-to excuse changes from time to time, but “No” is the hardest one to deal with. I can’t force him to get in the shower.
I try a sneaky plan to encourage shower time as a fun time by having Mr. Fixit install a handheld shower head and two power bars that are anchored in the wall. No turning back on the bar decision. No more excuses that everything is too slippery, the water is not going where I need it to go, I can’t get up or out as there’s nothing to hang on to. I have all the bases covered this time, including turning up the heat in the bathroom until I break into a sweat.
After 30 minutes of nervous questions on his part before he enters the 32″ square compartment called a walk-in shower, I demo all the wonderful things he can now do with the handheld shower head that clearly has pretty strong water pressure. You know, like the kind to get up into and between every crevice, especially the nether lands. There’s manly Sasquatch soap or bodywash for men, shampoo, toothbrush, and toothpaste, a brush for the dirty fingernails and a separate brush for scrubbing the back. With a smug feeling that this whole procedure doesn’t have to be such a struggle, I sit back and wait for the results, like watching the last 30 seconds on a washing machine.
At last, the wait is over. I tell him to grab those bars and get that squeaky clean body out of the shower. I cheerfully grasp 2 bath towels and hand one to him. He does the front drying and I do the back. He knows to balance himself on the bathroom counter with legs apart for more effective drying.
Kristy: Oh dear! Did you use the power wash handheld tool to clean underneath?
Don: I think so.
Kristy: Well, I’m looking at an infestation of dingleberries back here.
Don: Use a paper towel.
Kristy: No, no, no, this is a job for a pair of scissors. Stand very still.
I find the sharpest scissors I can find so as not to have to make more than one cut for each piece of fruit. I show Don the scissors and explain what I’m going to do. I have to back-kick both cats at this point to keep them out of the bathroom. I’ve heard about naked men with low-hanging fruit and cats. I finally bend over when I hear:
Don: Oh, hell No!
Kristy: Then get back in the shower.
Note to Self: My work here is done.