A Japanese Proverb professes, “The bamboo that bends is stronger than the mighty oak that resists.” Most days, I feel the need for bending and flexibility becomes my middle name. Today is different.
I think some of Don’s abilities are still intact, but the useless left arm and hand plus delusions and hallucinations with dementia render him dependent on others for the rest of his life. I carry the burden for 2, and it takes a toll. What’s the priority? Ending up in an early grave helping to sustain another person’s life? One that cannot survive on their own? What happens when I’m gone?
I saw a very sad video of a white cat laying in a field with 4-5 all-white babies nursing. The kittens were wiggling nonstop while their mother lay motionless with eyes open and fixed. She was very frail and emaciated. She looked dead, but the dependents were very much still alive, not sensing the dire condition of their mother. It was clear to me the mother cat gave all she had, including her very life, so her babies could have one last chance to live. Unfortunately, the kittens appeared to be no older than a few weeks. Without intervention, they would all die. Why then is the videographer still filming?
The happy ending to the cat story is someone did intervene, by chance. It was far easier to sustain the kittens as they grew, but it took the mother a year to recover with IVs and daily medical care. Although she will never be the same, someone reunited the mother with her beloved kittens before they reached the same age she was when she gave birth.
Today, I feel like the mother cat.
What average middle-class American who worked 40-50 years of their life, pads their retirement budget with an additional $8,000 per month for a possible need for long-term care? Theoretically, the goal is to down-size and hope the retirement money lasts another 25 years. The odds are 12% in 1 million people will suffer a hemorrhagic stroke and 50% die in the first 2 days. Not the greatest odds for plunking down an extra $200,000 in case you require a high level of care for 2 years after hospitalization and rehab. If you married late in life, after retirement, you might not have additional funds saved for long-term care for yourself, let alone a new spouse. What’s next is that one of you will provide 24/7 caregiving for the other in your own home, which you have completely restructured for safety. That’s not all that needs restructured and you feel that bamboo inside you bending to the limits.
Note to Self: Don reaches 2 years since stroke in August 2024.
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