Send in The Clowns

Picture this scenario in your head for a few minutes.

Pretend you and your family want to take advantage of the last days of summer on the Oregon coast. You reserve an Airbnb 100 yards from beach and ocean in a quiet neighborhood off the beaten track. Hot tub, sand toys, skim boards, beach chairs, beach towels galore, flip-flops and firewood all provided for a no-stress vacation. Warmer than normal weather and a few beautiful sunsets are a bonus. Life is good. You know your Airbnb host is female, and you plan to thank her for every little thing after checkout.

On your final morning, you open the backyard gate that has protected you from intruders for several days. On the other side of the gate, you are dumbfounded to find 3 male clowns. From where they came you do not know.

Clown #1 is dressed in full length pajama bottoms, t-shirt and hoodie all covered in chocolate pudding. Throw in a soft-sided briefcase, 2 different colored shoes and a bewildered, yet defiant, look in the eyes, and you don’t know if this is friend or foe.

Clown #2 is dressed in boxer-short jammies decorated with American flags, a t-shirt and shoes or slippers. Hair looks like it has been through a spin cycle in the laundry room reflecting that no grooming whatsoever has been attempted before an outside stroll to the backyard gate. A nervous bunny twitch of the nose implies this clown could be a professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A pair of big, round eyeglasses would give this elder clown a look of authority, but not today.

Clown #3 had the wherewithal to dress before leaving the house, but a bushy face of white facial hair gives this one the look of a yard gnome that came to life. A very happy yard gnome, however, with lucky charms and sunshine surely hiding in his pockets. Both enchanting and friendly.

After shock and awe for all, at the threshold of the gate, the gnome speaks. On behalf of the bumbling trio, the gnome tells the rest of the story to total strangers wondering if they walked into the wrong back yard.

The rest of the story:

Clowns #2 & #3 arrived yesterday for the Pearl & Oyster Music Festival in a nearby city. This morning they woke up and ascended to the kitchen to make coffee. Clown #1, aka Don, is awake and ready to roll claiming he is late for work. Don grabs his briefcase and descends the stairs on his quest to get to an undetermined place of employment. The remaining clowns are in the kitchen or other areas of the house. Don eventually leads his fellow clowns to the parking area where his truck is parked next to my car. The car is locked so he throws his briefcase into the truck and jumps in behind the wheel. Fortunately for us, Don did not gather up keys for either vehicle in his hasty escape from the house. Pleas from Clowns #2, aka Gianni, and #3, aka Mr. Fixit, to return to the house fall on deaf ears and are met with a defiant, “No”. Don exits the truck and suggestions to return to the house continue. Don explained to Clown #3 that he cannot return to the house because gypsies live up there and, apparently, they are not friendly. He believes they have taken control of the property and he cannot deal with them. He needs to go home with help from the military. He needs to meet up with a military man. Clown #3 advises Don that a friend will be arriving later today and he is an ex-marine. Help is on the way. Don is still not pacified on the return to the house mission.

These bizarre discussions are taking place as all people involved converge at the backyard gate. Clown #3 takes Airbnb guests aside and explains who they are and what’s happening. The offers of coffee, breakfast, beer, wine or other food and alcohol are rejected and unimportant. All their tricks fail to coax Don back to safety inside the house. The final ploy was that all 3 clowns are going to get in trouble if they do not get Don back in the house ASAP. The threat of getting yelled at by Kristy, however, and being in the doghouse was just the motivation needed to propel everyone up the stairs and into the living room. Timing was perfect as I found them all watching TV when I entered the kitchen for the first time. I rub my hands together thinking I’m going to be watching 3 NFL pre-season games today. I would be wrong!

The conversation is then focused on Don eating some breakfast. It took way too much effort by everyone. It will end up being the only meal he eats today.

Note to Self: Should I introduce myself to the guests as the ringleader of today’s circus or their Airbnb host?